Take A Second

by DShan on August 28, 2009

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I’ll admit to being at a point in my life in which things are a lot harder than they were a year, even two years ago.

There aren’t many places to hide from what’s happened in the United States over the last eighteen months, and I would think that’s true around the world.  I work extremely close to the epicenter of the seismic shift that happened around the Fall of Wall Street not long ago.  Every civilized nook and cranny on the planet felt the ripple effect.

Sure, it’s not part of everyone’s daily life, but we all know it’s out there.  We all know someone who’s in a challenging employment situation.  You might even know someone who’s had to change one or two of their habits or plans because of the way the world reshaped itself overnight.

I don’t mean to be depressing.  To suggest that life is miserable and we should all go cry ourselves to sleep.  However, I”d be hard pressed to agree with you if you suggested to me that the average (or median) barometer on society’s general well-being hasn’t slipped a bit as we wade through a recession that’s covered the globe in a blanket of systemic difficulties.

Now, it’s easy to get caught up in that.  It’s easy to let your lens get dusty; tough times kick up dust, and hiccups seen through dusty glasses tend to look like crises.  Difficulties seem to sharpen into focus and the good stuff seems blurry.

I’m saying this because it’s been my own experience.

Earlier this week you should have heard about Jaycee Dugard, who was kidnapped by a sex offender 18 years ago and lived in isolation, in a hut, until discovery this week.  Jaycee emerged with two daughters, 15 and 11, both fathered by her abductor.  You can read more here, if you haven’t eaten.

Outrage aside, her story has gutted my perspective.

The world is a big, big place, and sometimes I think we young adults forget how great we have it.

I know…that’s a little played out, and the ‘you’re so lucky’ chorus risks condescending overtones, but when I read Jaycee’s story I literally felt sick having lately felt as if I deserve to have things go easier on me.

As if my problems had any real relevance to the ultimate human struggle.

This women just joined the world as we know it.

She is twenty-nine years old.

Between today and my eleventh birthday, I’ve had hundreds of friends.  I’ve had a handful of loving relationships with beautiful women.  I’ve played soccer in ten different countries, and in front of hundreds of thousands of screaming fans.  I’ve learned about foreign cultures, political histories, emerging technologies, social causes, and human potential.

I’ve spoken to my mother and father over and over and over again.  I’ve watched my sisters grow up into truly incredible young women who each has the potential to make the world a significantly better place for other people.  I’ve gone from hating family trips to Upstate New York to a man who values my relationships with my 40+ cousins more than he ever thought possible.

I’ve developed a taste for single malt scotch, avocados, and sushi.  I’ve been in two car accidents that should have killed me, and emerged unscathed from both.  I’ve had coffee with the President’s daughter and I’ve debated everything under the sun with a myriad of different people with different backgrounds and diverse perspectives.

I know how to type.  Fast.

I have been disciplined for treating other people badly.

I’ve mended a broken heart.

More than once.

My struggles were faced with a web of support and resources every step of the way.  Through the total devastation in fifth grade at the friends chosen for the other middle school, through the broken foot I thought would forever derail my soccer career, and the mononucleosis that nearly did.

The day I lost my first job.  The pain of watching friends go through worse; divorce, eating disorders, abuse, suicide watch, and mysterious illnesses.  There were people to call.  Without fail.

I’m not preaching here.  Jaycee’s story stopped me in my tracks.  That was my experience and doesn’t have to be yours.

If you do take a second to look around, though…to try and imagine your life matched up next to one with an eighteen year stint in one room in an overgrown backyard…

…tell me what you see.

(A bit of a tribute: if you have any “since I was eleven” sentiments in light of Jaycee’s story, tweet them and use the hashtag #sinceiwas11JC.)

Photo by nyki_m.

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  • Wow, your post gave me some perspective. I try to remember that I'm lucky to have a job when I want to complain about mine.
  • Since I was 11 I have loved in three provinces and two countries, and visited all of Western Europe. I have fallen in love with the wine in France and the jungles of Costa Rica. I have completed elementary school, high school and achieved an honours Bachelor degree and learned two new languages. I fell in love, and stayed in love for a very long time. My sisters went from my annoying roommates to my dearest friends. I wrote three blogs and kept them as petite memoirs of my life. I flipped my truck, and helped nurse my Dad back to health after getting a phone call informing me he was dying. I made two friends I will never forget and kept one that I will never leave. I snowboarded on my small town ski hill, then in the Swiss Alps then on the Rocky Mountains. I became a social worker and have made a difference in the lives of countless people.

    For me, 11 years old was only 11 years ago and I think that affirms to me that a lot can happen in 11 years and I hope that in 11 years Jaycee will be able to say exactly what I did and more. (That was a lot of elevens.)

    Great post, I think I am quickly becoming a DShan addict! Thanks for linking to my comment on the Being Pretty post :)
  • Well, um, your comments rock:)
  • Really moving post, I'm glad I found it.
  • Thank you! Thank you for stopping by!
  • Sorry I didn't read this sooner, but it was quite beautiful and emotionally evoking. To think of all the things so many of us complain about and realize that's just a drop in the bucket in comparison to what this woman has gone through? It's heartbreaking and I feel almost embarrassed to be melancholy about anything in my life when, as you said, hers is practically just beginning.

    Thank you for writing this. I and many others, I'm sure, needed to read it.
  • I'm just happy you read it! Thanks for stopping by!
  • I don't think I'll ever get over what a beautiful writer (and person) you are, D.
  • Ali! *blush*
  • Iva
    Thank you Derek. This is wonderful, beautiful, and so thoughtful. You have lived an incredible life. I am so sorry about your car accidents. So grateful you are ok!

    Between today and my eleventh birthday, I have known love everyday of my life. I have been hugged almost everyday, been told 'I love you' and have loved back each and every day. My parents have given me the world. I have tried, and I do hope, learned something new every.single.day. I traveled the world, filled a few passports, and met incredible people. Been a professional athlete, married a professional athlete: the love of my life, my best friend. Got injured repeatedly, but learned with each injury something new. I have experienced different cultures, foods, societies, learned to drive, gotten a few tickets, few accidents, and made incredible friends. I have given birth to two amazing babies, watched my first learn how to walk, talk, and share. Heard him say “I love you Mommy and Daddy” over and over again. I have volunteered countless hours…but not enough. I have seen gardens grow, eaten home grown veggies, watched the sun rise, watched the sun set. Been part of change in this world, and really proud of it. I have seen friends and family go through pain, loosing a loved one suddenly, loss of jobs, loss of control, loss of self esteem, loss of confidence, loss of knowing self direction, confusion build, and loss of sight. All of these experiences and so many more, have made me who I am today; and I am very much grateful for each moment. Even the broken roads.

    All I can think of now is how my heart breaks for this girl and her two children. I like you D, thought all of the things that I have been through since I was 11. Tons of ups and downs. I can not help but feel sorrow and pain for her. And, yet, at the same time, happiness that she still has {hopefully} a chance, at happiness, stability, and I hope, the chance to meet and feel true love.
  • That she still has tomorrow is a good point; she does have a lot of time and experience ahead of her. I suppose we can hope she'll adjust well and see our world in a way that helps us understand it better.
  • I heard about this story and had the same experoence you did. I started thinking about everythign I done and learned and experienced since I was 11. It breaks my heart.
  • It really breaks my heart. It's so unfair. That's what got me; she's the same age as I am and I've made all these decisions for myself that she never has.
  • Oh, wow, did I need this today.

    Since I was eleven, I've grown from an awkward kid into an intelligent, beautiful and determined woman. I've flunked out of high school and fought my way into college. I discovered my calling and myself. And as much as it hurts me today, I've had the incredible experience of lending my heart out for thirteen years, eleven of them pretty damn good ones, and had it handed back to me, only a little worse for wear. I've worn prom dresses, a wedding dress and a few funeral dresses. I've made sisters of my best friends and a best friend of my sister. I've seen the pride and adoration in the eyes of my father as I did all of those things. I became a writer, a homeowner, and a friend I'd like to have. I've lived a life of privilege , and I've also been cold and hungry and scared. I would say I've had everything, good and bad, that the poor girl (who is my age) missed out on.

    Thank you, Derek, for making me grateful for even the ugly parts.
  • Yeah, it's the ugly parts we should all take a step back and appreciate. Even those aren't the hell some people go through.
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