The Process Of Turning Thirty

by DShan on December 21, 2009

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When you reach thirty years old you realize you’re pretty young.

You spend a lot of time between the ages of eighteen and twenty-five trying to figure out time.  Time, up to age eighteen, is someone else’s schedule.  You may be lucky enough to have driven yourself around for a few years once you reach eighteen, but you were driving around your small little hometown world in your parent’s car and you were probably negotiating hours and minutes with authority figures every time you turned around.

Be at practice on time.  Curfews.  Dinner’s at seven.

Then you go to college and you don’t even go to class if you can justify it to the mirror, and you lose all track of schedules and normalcy.  Your world erupts into a fiery cloud of endless possibilities, limitless laziness, and meals at midnight.  You learn things, but you don’t know why.  You can’t wait to be twenty-one and then you regret graduating the day you graduate.

Out in the real-world, you’re twenty-three and time is turning on itself and your threshold for uncertainty finds its high point.  You wonder about tomorrow, and five…ten years…you’re as likely to be living on another planet as you are to be gainfully employed, for all you know.

The process of turning thirty (a process is what it is) started when you turned eighteen.

It continued through twenty-one and it continued through your first real decisions laced with unforeseen consequences.  You were learning everything but what you thought you were learning.  Twenty-five comes and goes like a gust of wind, and the next five years seem more serious but you’re just not sure why.

I think it takes us more than twenty-five years to really get comfortable with the idea that there’s not much to figure out on this big crazy rock we call Earth.  No one seems to be right, and no one seems to be wrong.  We all find ourselves in a world shaped by our decisions, our actions, and a pinch of luck, good or bad.

We take measure as we approach thirty and our world’s a bit different than even the worlds of the people closest to us.

We’re all becoming who we already were.  We have a sense of purpose that, at the very least, draws fuel from a rather common lesson-learned; we are our choices.  It’s that simple.

Our twenties are a time for taking a look at the way life’s supposed to look and painting our own picture.  I think the struggle we all feel as we wonder about our careers and our love lives and our decisions and our quest for the perfect life is each and every one of us finding a way down the mountain.  Jump in a river, or climb down the rocks.

The water’s cold, the rocks are hard.

If you choose the water, you’ll be in the water.  Choose the rocks, you’re on the rocks.

Thirty is just the rocks or the river, with no regrets.

Photo by David Paul Ohmer.

  • I'm not even sure what to say... I just want a big fat "LIKE" button for this whole damn post. ;-0
  • When you turn 50, 50 seems young.
  • You ever heard the saying that before 30, you have the face you're born with, and after 30, you have the face you earn?
  • It's bizarre reading this at 24, feeling like perhaps I'm supposed to have things more figured out than I already do, yet knowing I truly have no idea where my life's really heading at this point. Sometimes I feel behind, so maybe the timeline can be, hm, altered? It seems like I'll be 35 or older before my life is at the same point yours is at 30...
  • You are my old age guru :)
  • justatitch
    Is it weird that this makes me feel excited to turn 30?! I love the idea that it's just our choices, and that we are in control. A friend of mine once said that at 30, it all seems okay---even the so-called "bad choices." Because they are yours, and you are okay with you. Being 100% comfortable in my own skin sounds freaking amazing.
  • The power of choice is, well, a pretty powerful thing. I don't believe in fate, I don't believe entirely in free will - because there are always going to be things you cant control. Instead, I believe in CHOICE - making a choice when you're presented with that opportunity, when you are forced to make a decision, when you have to pick the paved road or the old dirt path less traveled. Choice is the ONE thing we can control in this life - that means we're going to make mistakes, we're going to stumble and fall, but when you believe in the power of choice, when you learn from the choices you make, the rest falls into place.

    Cheers to you my friend - I know you have a lot of exciting things ahead (and I'm sure I don't know the half of it). 2010 is going to be a big year for a lot of us!
  • It is so true that when you hit about 25 you realize that all of a sudden you weren't going to become this genius adult with all the answers. I'd always look up to older cousins and family friends and wonder when I would suddenly have a conversion - you just don't. It is all about choices and figuring things out one thing at a time.
  • Well said! I totally agree; watching my older cousins was a trip, and all
    of sudden I realized they don't know it all, they just stopped worrying
    about it.
  • I love this, especially the reminder that "we are our choices." I'm in a limbo place right now, and that's a great motivator to essentially keep making choices in order to keep moving forward. Excellent.
  • Oh, me too, as you know. I just keep going back to the fact that your
    choices shape your day. You aren't racing a measuring stick, you're just
    moving forward.
  • Iva
    such an awesome post. so beautiful. I hope many 18 year old read it. you have a way with words. An amazing way Derek!

    ps that is fabulous image!
  • Iva...you're TOO NICE. I am not quite sure how many teenage readers we have
    around these parts, but we'll see:)
  • jbtutor
    I agree that turning 30 is all about choices: making them and living with them.
  • It does seem to be. It just seemed that as my friends and I all turn thirty
    the quest to understand why we're all here subsides a bit and we all started
    just accepting how we got to where we are, and how we might get to where we
    think we want to go.
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