i have $50 that’s worth nothing to me.

my wonderful mother, at some point last year, provided me with a $50 gift certificate to eddie bauer.

nevermind that not once in my life have i ever


walked out of an eddie bauer store

with something i’ve purchased.

in fact, my main association with eddie bauer is that they have a store at the woodfield mall (THE mall if you lived in the suburbs during the 90’s before they turned st. charles into one big mall) and this store they have at the woodfield mall is one of those stores that not only opens into the mall, but has an outside entrance as well.

so for whatever reason, i’d typically end up in the parking lot outside this eddie bauer store.

and so for that reason, i have a very tangible memory of this particular store.

a store which i would nearly sprint through trying to avoid eye contact and conversation at all cost, fearing that my next encounter with a salesperson dressed very much like the picture to the right would ask me how my day was and i’d proceed to open my mouth and projectile vomit in their general direction.

so now here i am, stuck with a worthless $50.

i just spent a good half hour on the eddie bauer website

trying to find SOMETHING worth purchasing that’s nearly $50 but not over $50 (because i’d really rather not support this particular vendor) and came up with exactly nothing.

pleated shorts??!! jesus sandals??!!

such an interesting problem…i’m really forced to buy something from eddie bauer.

and i am taking suggestions, people.

leave ’em in the comments.

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