dear future girlfriend,

i know we haven’t met, but i’m really looking forward to our relationship.

okay that’s a lie…there are aspects of our relationship i’m not actively looking forward to, but i’m sure i’ll love them anyway, because of how wonderful and hot you are.

it looks as if you’ll miss my 28th birthday, and i just wanted to tell you that the gift i really want is also going to miss my birthday, and may be here just in time for you to give me a belated birthday gift.

the g-phone.

it’s about six months away, which could be perfect timing!

i know it’s a bit assuming to be mentioning presents before i even have your phone number, but really, what do we have if we don’t have honesty?

i want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me what you want from me, and this is my bid to do the same.

see you soon,
or maybe not soon,

faithfully yours,

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