in an effort to spice up your tuesday, and to make up for what one of my readers called an ‘uninsightful post this morning’, i thought i’d share some of my more memorable naked experiences.
no, perverts, not those experiences.
so here’s my top two*.
my almost best nude escapade.
my most recent ex-girlfriend’s sister went to a local state school not known for it’s academic excellence. the two of us went to visit her, pretty early on in our relationship, and ended up in the inevitable pre-gaming drinking game in said sister’s apartment.
we were actually playing a drinking board game that The Ex’s sister and her roommates had invented, manufactured, and was getting quite a name for itself around campus. part of the game involved some truth or dare.
i chose dare.
a roommate dared me to sprint out across her well-lighted back lawn, touch her car, and run back into the house wearing absolutely nothing. the lawn was huge…the run would be a good 100 yards or so.
that’s a football field.
and it was ZERO degrees out.
i’m not sure, but i think i was supposed to do five pushups or something, to make sure i got to ‘experience the weather’.
it’s the fastest i’ve ever run, and i’m sure it was the proudest The Ex ever was of her boyfriend.
my best nude escapade.
this one made even my parents proud.
i went to a rather liberal, rather progressive west coast university that generally treated its students like adults.
every exam on campus was un-proctored. professors could not be around for them, and the honor code was drilled into you as a freshman.**
alcohol inside the freshman dorms was protected from the local police by privacy concerns…which meant kegs in frosh hallways were frequent.
point is, things worked a bit different out there.
instead of filing out onto the stadium field for our graduation ceremonies in an orderly fashion, seniors and graduate students are encouraged to swarm out en masse in whatever creative or expressive manner they see fit.
floats, balloons, placards, signage, musical instruments, costumes.
or, you know,
we’d conceived the idea the night before, as a group of us hashed our dining hall (another word for cleaning up after everyone). every other week or so we’d been nudie-hashing after dinners to keep our fraternity brothers from staying late and delaying our clean-ups.
why not nudie-hash graduation?
we woke up early, immediately began drinking champagne (for the nerves), and put on front-covering aprons. we cut eye-holes in white cloth strips and tied them around our heads. we put on big yellow rubber dish-washing gloves and running shoes.
and then four of us nudie-hashed the wacky walk.
in front of about fifteen-thousand people the four of us jogged out onto the field, kicking a beach ball back and forth between us, and began a very long circle around the track and festivities.
as we came around in front of the crowd, people became NOTICEABLY louder and we effected a virtual stadium wave of onlookers as the four of us moved along the front of the seating area.
we pretended not to notice.
we would casually stop and chat…turn our bare white asses to the crowd…hear the volume rise and fall according to our little stunts.
almost right away the newspaper photographers had us surrounded, asking for photos and names. (ed. note: eat your heart out britney.)
fellow graduates happened upon us and snapped their own photos.
condoleeza rice walked by on her way to the podium as our commencement speaker.
after the ceremony, every parent and relative i knew and many i didn’t know came up to laugh and compliment our boldness…much to the quiet chagrin of my stunned parents. i know my dad thought it was hilarious.
all in all, it was incredibly liberating and the perfect send-off to what had been four incredible years of growth and experience.
i bet you didn’t know taking your clothes off could be such a thing, huh?
**yes, students took advantage. i have another great story for another time as a result.