i recently had an ‘i really miss chalise‘ moment, so i thought i’d write about her because we all know it’ll make it seem like she’s around…stave off the void i’m feeling in daily life with her gone.

or at least that’s what i’ll just go ahead and tell myself, mkay?

i mentioned that chalise was really my first true love. we’d been childhood friends for years when we fell into a more serious relationship sometime around our sophomore year in high school.

it all basically started in between our last class each day at school, and our respective start times for practice; mine – soccer, hers – cheerleading and gymnastics. we got into the habit of heading off the school’s campus for an hour or two during those times to hang out…i think we’d watch a movie, go to applebees (we were suckers for their potato skins which i still don’t understand), or whatever else.

somewhere along those lines we decided it’d be fun to go dancing at this under-age dance club in a town nearby to ours, and the second we hit the dance floor our relationship changed. we were those teenagers bumping and grinding one another while making out; i’m sure the staff was really impressed with our level of maturity.

but it broke the ice, and we ended up together for quite a while. we plowed through intimate barriers together and were as in love as kids can be during a pretty formative time for both of us.

of course at the time we thought we’d last forever…at that age nothing ain’t worth doing unless it’s forever, right?

in reality, of course, we’d go through the normal relationship ups and downs for the next few years. at times we were just friends with benefits. at times we were just friends. i remember our first breakup in a local ice cream parlor; she was wearing overalls and we both cried. i remember surviving that breakup and knowing i’d know her for the rest of my life.

for five years, we saw each other sparingly.

we visited one another twice in college, once on each campus, and although i know i wondered where our lines would be during those visits, and during our brief holiday visits home, they remained platonic.

our lives at school engaged us…we were each merely visitors in the new lives we’d both created for ourselves. we were molding a real friendship that’d been born of a first love.

so we reunited in our home towns years later…two aimless young adventurers, eager to claim the cities music scenes, beautiful people, and killer food. we were inseparable almost immediately…it almost seemed too easy sometimes.

i’m not sure how many people have a deeply important friendship like the one chalise and i found ourselves in. i don’t mean that as a comment on anyone’s relationships, but for the two of us, i don’t think we’d have ourselves if we didn’t have one another.

because i think with the love, experience, pain, and intimacies of our past, we’re left with a trust and companionship that’s hard to maintain between a man and a woman.

we find ourselves in love with our connection.

we thrive on one another and the different set of tools we each bring to life.

she’s insanely active, social, artistic, and optimistic. she’s exotically gorgeous, which we use to our advantage.

i’m grounded, intellectual, well-informed, and inexplicably insightful…she thinks i have an old soul. i’m a guy that likes to over-analyze relationships.**

we both love strangers. we’re both very spontaneous.

she’s gone for two months, living in the caribbean, and we’re about a month in. when i broached the subject of my last relationship, susie from everyonelovesabostongirl*, asked how chalise felt about my dating her best friend from college.

i thought that was a pretty good question, because even kate was a bit sensitive to it at first.

and i think it goes without saying that chalise was probably happier about it all than the two of us! i mean…chalise had her two best friends basically living with her for a while, and loved the idea of the two of us ending up together.

i know she adored the way kate and i treated one another.

and we loved having her in common.

and i think somehow all those ties will end up preserving a relationship between all of us in the end. kate and i will always have chalise, and chalise will always have both of us.

but the one thing i’m absolutely sure of?

i will know and love chalise for every minute of my remaining life.

*who, ironically, is in chicago this evening.

**i’m like a straight gay boyfriend.

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