so yesterday i recorded the guinness world records show that aired last night. the top 100 or whatever.

records i think are totally stupid.

world’s longest fingernails.
is there a record for the world’s biggest hick, or the world’s most trailor-trashy human? no? well, how could we measure that?

most rattlesnakes in tub with human.
i like snakes, but hundreds of poisonous snakes in a tub with you? you’ve moved beyond badass and into stupid.

most people fit into a mini cooper.
promo for mini, pointless and talentless record.

most successful forensic artist sketches (leading to captured criminals).
read: someone who can actually do their job. amazing.

most knives thrown in a minute.
is there a reason this record involves throwing those knives to line the edges of a model standing against a wall?

records i think are stupid but could (maybe) win.

most claps in a minute.
maybe i couldn’t beat it, but with enough baby oil and practice maybe i could.
that sounds dirty.

most clothespins on a human face.
who the fuck comes up with these records?

most bras unlocked in thirty seconds.
this is just something i’d like to do enough that i think i could become record-worthy due to my willingness to practice.

records that just deserve comment.

woman with longest beard.
lives in illinois, OF COURSE.

fastest cup stacker.
those kids would crush at flip cup.

(there’s like a million cup stacking videos on youtube. who knew?)

and check here if you didn’t know cup stacking was badass.

world’s heaviest twins.
1400 pounds? yikes.

so where do your odd talents lie?

what records could you set?
(half the battle is just creating a record to be recorded, right?)

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