charming, but single, a blog i’ve been reading for quite a long time, wrote this jem and i felt like a lot of you would enjoy it.
it’s a bit long, so go grab a coffee first.
“Look, you’re intelligent and funny and I love your company and talking to you,” he said. “But, you know, you just weren’t it and I knew that all along.”
He stammered over the last part. And as much as it hurt to hear and as ashamed as I was, I finally got the break up speech he never bothered to deliver two years ago. And for better or for worse, I finally knew.
He held onto me for a little longer and continued apologizing and stroking my back. I was struck by how calm he was. He said he was upset and hurt and taken aback. And I’m sure he was – no matter how horrible he was to me, he didn’t deserve my mid-coitus emotional breakdown. He just never seemed to show it. He gave me this pained, pitiful look, which I’ve seen only once before, on the face of the only other guy whose face I ever cried to. Both faces bore the same, “Oh God, I made a woman cry” emotion. Neither reflected the pain that I’d expect to see from someone who made a woman they cared about cry.
We got dressed and as he was getting ready to leave, I sat on the back of my couch in my nightgown. He walked over to give me a hug and I pulled him in for a kiss.
“I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Just one,” I pleaded.
And I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and tugged his hair with my fingers and pulled his body into mine. I could feel his body respond to me and his breath shorten. He pulled away twice but came back to kiss me.
The third time, he stopped me and told me no, that we weren’t doing this, that he wasn’t going to keep on hurting me.
“I’m going to disappear for awhile,” he said. “But I would like to be your friend.”