it dawned on me recently that i’ve been single for a long, long time.
it’s been over two years, even though just about two years ago kate i were still sort of involved and trying to claw our ways toward happiness. i had a few drinks with her a few weeks ago and i asked her if she’s happy, and she gave a big pretty smile and said, “yes.”
and that’s really nice to know.
she commented on the fact that i’m always “fine”, whether or not i’m in a tough spot or i’m in a seemingly care-free period of my life, and i think she’s right but i also think that “fine” makes it sound like i’m indifferent.
i’m not all that indifferent about anything, in fact, because i tend to probably overemphasize the importance of things that i think really matter. sure…i’m the one who’s usually pretty laid back and emotionally tempered in any room i’m standing in, but when and if i’ve decided something is minor it’s certainly because i’ve thought a lot about it.
and i do come across somewhat unemotional at times…i’ve mentioned this before on this blog…but the fact is that i’m a deeply emotional person. i’m very passionate about emotional experiences and i think that my thirst for new experiences (and new art) is a product of that.
love is no different. i feel deeply, and i think this blog often demonstrates how insanely emotional i can be about the people i call my friends and family.
this extended period of individualism is undoubtedly a combination of my own distractions and pure circumstance, and i’m okay with that. i think at times the people who care about me have a hard time trusting that, often inquiring as to my comfort level with the answer to love life questions remaining unchanged.
it’s an interesting time right now, as all of my best friends are in admittedly adorable relationships. flying solo’s never been a problem for me, and in some ways allows me the freedom to do all the weird things i like to do on my own without feeling like anyone is missing out, but in other ways i’m often reminded that it’s been quite a while since i prioritized a girl in my life.
here’s the thing; you know how there’s a period in your life after a strong relationship finds it’s endpoint during which you’re very unclear as to what the relationship that makes it forever looks like? you’re a walking mental stereotype filled with thoughts of never having something perfect and lasting?
well it passes…and then you find yourself a little more sure as to who you are and carrying experience along with you in your left pocket and you don’t guess but you know that not only is better possible but the best is coming and you’re kind of excited to go through it all again no matter how it all ends up.