(semi-anonymous and gagged)

this past couple months has put quite a strain on me, in general, but with regards to this blog it’s been a particular challenge.

you see, everyone who writes or endeavors artistically, casually, or otherwise online does so with varying degrees of anonymoty.

as you all know, i toe the line at being a fully public blogger, and it takes but a facebook connection to really view this website through the virtual one-way mirror i hold up between the two levels of identification i juggle around the internet.

what i mean by that is this: i’ve never used fully identifiable information on this blog, and generally operate as “d” or “dblogged” when i’m using different tools or networks like twitter, buzznet, or stumbleupon.

in addition to that, i’ve never even hinted at how i earn a paycheck.*

on the other hand, lots of people in my life…most, in fact…know about the blog and know who i am. my facebook connections all see my blog entries fed into the notes section there and each post is announced in a status update (indirectly facilitated by the automatic updates sent to twitter when i post).

all of this is less work than it sounds, trust me.

all of this is mostly how i like it; i dig that old and random people from my past will email me about something i’ve written on the blog because they caught it through facebook.

but the whole thing is a balance that gets strained when i can’t explore things about myself here on my blog, because this blog is not anonymous.

it gets strained when i can’t talk about what’s really going on, even though this blog is really just about what’s really going on.

it’s then that i seem to find it hard to nail down a bit of eloquence and get a bird’s eye view on my life, or the lives of people around me.

it’s then that the major stuff clouding my vision is the very stuff i won’t write about, choking me at the keyboard and stifling a satisfying and necessary outlet at a time when it would probably be most valuable.

it’s then that i end being this cryptic.

and unfortunately, then is right now.

*i’m guessing that’s why i’ve never been asked out by a reader…you all probably think i’m some jobless hack.

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