It feels to me like a combination of fears, this perspective. Fear that this idea of love allows for the love you have today (or might have tomorrow) to fall short of forever. Fear that your standards for love should be so high that only one experience should ultimately meet them, and the resulting fear that the only way to recognize and defend the one you want to last is to make (and attempt to live by) a cosmic ultimatum.
Anyway, I love the insight into your new life I’ve had lately, and I’m so excited to watch you be a father. You’re sense for family was what made you you in every place I saw you; you’re a natural and you’re made of everything it takes to nurture truly lasting relationships.
That was the thing; even when we were teenagers she was different. She was edgy and confident and averse to anything but her will. She is probably the reason I have ever felt the confidence to just trust my gut in the face of the most insane things it suggested. Over and over and over again I’ve heard people say things like “everyone wishes they were Chalise” when what they meant was “everyone wishes they had an intimate relationship with ignoring their inhibition and plunging into life to see what actually happens”.
For a bunch of people who’ve largely never met to come together in secret to make a video for someone they largely haven’t met, just because it’s the right thing to do, says a lot about everyone involved. I feel fortunate to have joined up.
Whenever I sit and contemplate what it means to relocate I keep coming back to the idea that it’s impossible to know what it’s like until you do it. Relocating your life is going to be a very different experience depending on the point in your life in which you do it. Sure, if you moved last year and you’re moving again this year, there may be some continuity between the experiences.
A year and a half earlier I’d been in the same spot and driven home with this little thing of a puppy who I picked over his sister because he’d been so confident about climbing down a step. He’d been the size of my forearm then. He barely fit in the passenger seat right now.