i remember when i first realized i was doing something for a living that i actually enjoyed.
i remember how thirsty i got.
i remember the first weekend after my first week thinking that there was a world i needed to understand and it was a world i’d actively avoided ever since i took economics in college and barely got out with the shirt on my back. the only think i remembered a month after that class was that my professor had written the textbook.
they say sometimes the people you hate end up as your best friends.
but i also remember that i became single minded about becoming an expert at something i had no background in. i wrote less, i worked out less, i shut out my girlfriend at the time.
hindsights a bitch, because i remember all that and i wished i hadn’t been the guy i was then…i don’t regret my pursuit but i regret my inability to balance.
and i realize that i’m in round two of that experience.
as hyper-aware as i am about it this time around, i find myself unable to really help it.
thankfully there isn’t a girl to hurt in the process. i’ve found myself far more inclined, as of late, to meet someone…i think i’ve mentioned that before…but i do feel relief at having gone through the last few months alone.
feeling fat is one thing.
feeling like you’re emotional starving a beautiful woman is another.
i feel good today.
sometimes you just step back and realize that you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with tomorrow.